Thursday, February 26, 2009

Street Fighter The Legend of Chun Li: Review

After seeing this movie, I am now a coffee mug filled with the Sanka of Hate! Full to the brim, baby! Shit! And I had such high hopes for this movie! Why? Why do they do this to me? WHY??!!
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li is the most disappointing movies since the Star Wars prequels. It's about Chun Li becoming who she is by learning kung fu from some guy and trying to seek revenge on the man who killed her family.
The big mistake this piece of shit makes is that it's not a superhero film. Instead, it tries to grown the movie more in reality and turn this into a kung fu movie. Which wouldn't bother me so much if the kung fu hadn't sucked so bad. Hello? The title of you're movie is Street Fighter. People are coming to see Chun-Li in her glorious long sexy legs kick tanks till they explode. What's the deal with the producers trying to make this a Hong Kong crime film with lousy kung fu?
The fight scenes in this movie is so bad that I nearly wanted to cry. If Chun Li was  a real woman, she'd be rolling in her grave right now. The kung fu sequences here are so poorly choreographed and I get the feeling that Kristin Kreuk barely rehearsed any of the moves cause she looked like a cute little girl kicking like David Beckham. 
And how on Earth could they take a hot ass like Kristin Kreuk and make her so uninteresting in this movie? For the most part, we only have Kristin Kreuk look like she was just hit by a sand truck or have been sleeping in a cave for 10 days. Cause that bitch looked like some homeless girl.
And what you'd expect when you ask Kristin Kreuk to act? You don't get shit. I already said from the beginning, if you're gonna cast Kristin Kreuk, make sure you show more of her legs than her trying to act like she's sad. It's like asking Megan Fox to be in Transformers deliver a serious line than just show us her boobs.
And while we're on the subject of bad acting. How bad was Chris Klein's acting in this? He kind of reminded me of the guy from Garbage Day cause all he does is speak in the same intense tone with the same intense face and he thinks that is acting. I mean, this guy's acting was so bad that it was good. I laughed my ass off through the whole film every time he comes on screen cause this guy is just downright ridiculous. What we need now is a movie where all we have is Chris Klein reciting Shakespeare monologues. Now that would be a funny movie.
Oh and it really helps build tension in the movie when the main villain is the guy from Desperate Housewives. This is such a lazy choice casting him as Bison. What the fuck? He comes off more like a businessmen man than a leader of Shadaloo. I'm barely even afraid of him, matter of fact.. I don't even feel him as an antagonist cause he is just such a weak character in the film.
You know what? All this talking about this turd is really getting my blood pressure high thinking about how much time I wasted being excited that this shit was coming out. The only thing I can do now I self medicate and look at these...
 I feel no pain no more.

RATING: 2/10

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