Tangled | Review

Old Disney: Nicholas! I'm back buddy!

Nicholas: Old Disney! Oh I missed you so!

Hannah Montana: Crap.

The thing I really gotta know after seeing this is what is Rapunzel's hair like down there? I mean.. is it outrageously long or does she cut it or trim it at least or is it braided or something? What? What's down there? Don't tell me you've never thought of that.

But Jesus I love this movie. Now I wouldn't say Tangled was a better film that The Princess & the Frog but this was definitely much funnier. So we've got the classic tail of Rapunzel with a few tweaks here and there. We have this kingdom where the queen almost dies in childbirth but is given a magic flower that heals her but also gives her daughter magic hair that possesses healing abilities when it is sung to. But she was stolen by Donna Murphy and locked in a tower to keep herself young but everything changes when a dashing thief stumbles upon the tower and the two of them reluctantly go on a journey that will change both of them.

The premise though interesting and well thought out is very generic Disney but the animation and script for Tangled is anything but. Here we have a lot of set pieces and a lot of jokes done with fantastic snap and wit of a Dreamworks film. I mean the humor in this is over the top and hits you one after the other throughout then film. Think The Emperor's New Groove with better hair. Yeah.....

And the humor in this is mostly faulted to the animators who did a great job animating the characters' expressions in Tangled. There were two characters, Flynn Rider and a horse, whom I felt just stole the show because they were just so gut busting hilarious.Their facial expressions did go into retarded looking territory but hey, it served it's purpose. And thankfully they weren't overused. They come in. Flash out some retardation for one and all to laugh at. Hit a home run. And then disappear.

And the visuals in this are gorgeous. I like this whole art direction of having the animation look almost like moving paintings though they are technically CG. And there are a few action set pieces that is gonna look terrific in 3D particularly the dam breaking scene and the lantern scene. People, if anything.. the price of your admission ticket is worth the 5 minute lantern scene in this movie which i felt was beautiful in classic Disney animation fashion. I'm fucking buying the DVD just for that scene alone.

But I did wish Tangled had a better pacing in it's story. The first 15 minutes of the film felt a little too generic and geared more towards children and to be honest, kinda boring. It's only until they leave the tower did I feel the movie kicks into 3rd gear and after that it becomes awesome. And then towards the end where they have hit every note, it goes back into that classic, predictable children Disney ending that made me groan out loud in the cinema. So it's really a mixed bag of opinion here.

And I did wish the songs were better. Alan Menken, the man who wrote the music for Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Hercules was behind this and I couldn't help but feel underwhelmed by the songs of Tangled. Sure, they were all still great and had purpose to the story, they weren't boring or anything, they just weren't epic in the scale I remember Alan Menken's songs to be. There is only one song that takes place in a bar and is sung by Brad Garrett and a bunch of piss drunk Vikings of all people that were remotely memorable.

But hey, you know what.. with recent Disney movies like Chicken Little and Meet The Robinsons, Tangled is a huge step up in Disney's triumphant return to being what I have always remembered them to be. Magic. Happy days are here again people.

RATING: 7/10

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1 | Review

The end is neigh. This is Lost all over again man...

If the first two Harry Potters were the series' blockbuster and Prisoner of Azkaban was the art piece, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is the character study of the Harry Potter films. I wouldn't say this was the best Harry Potter film because I still feel Goblet of Fire is tops but Deathly Hallows Part 1 has certainly amped the artistry of British filmmaking and thespians to a whole new high. Burn Twilight! Burnwith my Inflamari charm!

So for those who are retarded, this is only the first half to J.K Rowling's finale book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with the concluding second part to premiere next year. This film is all on Harry, Ron and Hermione and one long ass camping trip. We follow the three as they go on a perilous journey to find and discover the remaining Horcruxes which houses Lord Voldemort's souls and in doing so makes him mortal again.

Now in the book, this portion of the movie only takes up the first 200 pages of the 800. Part 1 can't help but be the prelude to the big finale it is but David Yates and the cast has done an absolutely phenomenal job of stretching those 200 pages into a spectacular 3 hour film of heavy drama performances.

Part 1 squeezes in the final character developments, ties up continuity plot lines and brings audiences on one final nostalgic trip down the series to show how far the three main characters have come before pulling out all the stops in the final film. I feel Part 1 out of any of the previous films has given Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint the chance to prove their worth as actors. The three of them carry this film. We literally have 1 hour 30 minutes of just the three of them talking to each other in the woods. And it is so compelling, so well written and performed beautifully by the three.

We have Harry Potter, a boy who has tremendous weight of responsibility and the burden of blame for the people who have died in his cause. Ron Weasley, the guy who will always be known as Harry Potter's sidekick, living in his shadow, destined to be second to the Boy Who Lived. And Hermione Granger, the strong female who seals the bond and keeps them together albeit the prejudice of her being a Muggle born. All these and so many other elements brought out and developed in full dramatic force for the pleasure of the audience. The drama that Part 1 has is unbelievably intense. If I didn't know any better, I would say this would be the series' best chance of being nominated for an Oscar in writing or acting.

And the cinematography is really breathtaking. I mean gorgeous! A visual opus of real, no green-screened or special effected British mountain sides and plains. I love the idea of them shooting everything on locations instead of doing everything against a green screen like them cheap Americans because it does translate that reality to the screen with better performances and visuals.

My only problem is that beneath the fantastic performances and visual effects, Part 1 really doesn't have a strong narrative. Mostly due to the fact that this is merely the first 30% of the book, the film is anticlimactic and does drag after awhile. It's like that build up episode to a series finale on television where the audience is hoping for something to happen and right where things get good, the screen goes black and the words say "to be continued" well that's exactly how Part 1 was and it may put some people off about the film.

But I think it has done swimmingly as the build up to the epic final I know awaits the world in July. I await that moment with baited breath..... cause I'm jacking off to a picture of Emma Watson. So so so HOT!

RATING: 8/10

First Trailer For The Green Lantern

So check it out, the first trailer for DC Comic's The Green Lantern is finally up.

The film stars Ryan Reynolds of Buried and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Blake Lively, Mark Strong of Kick-Ass and Peter Sarsgard of An Education. The film opens in June 2011 and I'm actually kinda looking forward to it. So check out the trailer yo.

 

Okay... this movie just might suck balls. Fuck me.

Machete | Review

Machete.... Del Taco... Sangriento... Desnudos Chicas Calientes

All you guys need to know about this movie is that Danny Trejo is a big Mexican with a big knife. And he gon cut some white folk down. The film is based on the Grindhouse trailer and it's been expanded into it's own movie and I fuckin loved it. So we have Machete, who gets fucked by Steven Seagall's character and he is laying low in America where he joins a Mexican rebel network to fight a group of rednecks led by Robert de Niro to free the Mexican borders. Oh and Jessica Alba gets naked.

What you want me to say about this.. it's a bad movie. But why I loved it is because it was intentionally bad on the part of Robert Rodriguez in a whole 70's exploitation film throwback. If you've ever loved the ridiculous film making style of Tarantino, you're gonna love the hell outta Machete.

But the bad part is that Machete really isn't in this movie much. We literally have like 6 different villains and two side stories involving Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez where Machete comes in and plays a role from time to time. It kinda goes by the same way Inglo Basterds where we come in loving the idea of seeing a bunch of dudes kill Nazis for 2 hours but we get them coming in and out through a number of side stories we don't give a shit about. he opening 5 minutes and closing 10 minutes were the best parts of Machete because that's what we came to see. Bloody awesomeness. There's this whole bunch of plot in the middle relying mostly on Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez and we all know what fantastic actresses they are.

But Michelle Rodriguez was actually great in this. Hottest I've seen her in any movie actually. She plays almost a Che Guevara like character only she's in denim short pants and a bra all day with a big ass gun. She plays her usual tough babe but there's a sense of purpose in her performance this time, one of liberation and freedom. Jessica Alba presents flat acting as usual but easily compensates with a nude shower scene that lasted 10 seconds but gets me off just fine... just fine.

Surprisingly I got more from Rodriguez than from all the legendary actors in this cast. Robert de Niro, Steven Seagall and Jeff Fahey gave flat out stereotypical performances that were fun to watch but c'mon.. you guys could have easily done awesome shit. Here they don't do that much..

Yet this movie does keep coming along and do cool shit. Just when I'm about to get bored, they'd have a set piece so bad ass and gory that kicks ass till I get my interest back then it goes off into 15 more minutes of lousy plot and Jessica Alba acting. This movie had way too many storylines when a straightforward, simple revenge film was all I was really looking for.

Hated the none Machete moments but the times he's on puts a sadistic smile on my face that ultimately wins me over for this film. Btw Lindsay Lohan is practically useless in the film. You have to literally fight through her hair to get a glimpse of boobies.

RATING: 5/10