Monday, November 15, 2010

Skyline | Review

Tagline for the movie should have been, Don't Look At This Piece of Shit.
So the guys who fucked them two of the greatest alien movie franchises have now fucked up their own alien flick. People, if you looked at the poster and trailer for this film.. it looks badass awesome. But I had no idea the people who directed this were the fuck faces who made Alien vs Predator. Holy fuck this movie sucked diarrhea through a straw.
Skyline is basically a movie where the sentinels from The Matrix, the aliens from War of the Worlds and Independence Day teamed up to invade Earth. It's about a group of stuck-up annoying dumbass people who get stuck in their apartment when an alien invasion occurs in their city, and they pretty much spend the whole movie thinking about what to do.
This is as typical as alien invasion movies can get. This storyline has been done better in other films and had more originality. There is not one single original idea in this movie. Not one. Every little element of this movie was ripped from other films. The aliens in this, though they looked great had similar character designs as aliens in other movies.But hey, with a budget of $3 million, I thought the special effects of this film was fantastic. Too bad it doesn't do a Goddamn thing for the story.
I'm never a big fan of spoiling movies, but this blog has been getting a lot of attention lately from people who genuinely want to watch good movies so I'm just gonna save ya'll your money and tell you the shit that gets thrown at the audience in this. We start with a group of underwear models who have no talent in acting, no charisma, dumb as fuck and have zero likability; witness an alien invasion and spends 1 hour 30 minutes talking about what they should do.
In normal intelligent world, a plotline like this takes 5 minutes before it moves into progression. We literally spend the whole movie with these fuck faces asking, "What do we do?" "Should we stay here?" "Should we go?" And they just whine and whine and whine. And every now and then they'll see something cool from their window, but then they'll go back and go, "What do we do?"
And they act in ways that are so stupid even a retard will think they were dumb. We have these two guys, grabbing their guns and going, "We're gonna do something about this." And head to the roof. Motherfucker... the military couldn't nuke those aliens to death and you think your two pistols are gonna save the world? And it get's better. A dumb blonde chick looks out the window and sees giant ass aliens tear up the city and the first thing she says to everyone is, "I think there's something down there." Really? No shit.
The writing of this film is so lazy, coming close to the quality of typical straight-to-DVD movies. It's filled with nonsensical dialogue, unrealistic plot twists, lazy plot conveniences and useless characterization. All rolled up and spawned into a big incoherent sloppy mess that is Skyline. There is not a moment that didn't involve aliens that were interesting which threw off the pacing of the film so much so that I felt I was watching two different TV shows. One was The Walking Dead with it's amazing action and special effects and the other was Gossip Girl with it's unnecessary drama, poor writing and lousy acting.
Skyline is the epitome of a straight-to-DVD movie that had the luck of getting a big budget and distribution. It mocks the artists of the industry who genuinely strive to create new worlds with it's unoriginal, lazy "so called homages" which will still nonetheless appeal to an audience with the brain capacity of 5 year old children.

RATING: 2/10

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