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Monday, January 10, 2011

Saw 3D | Review

Well... at least it's over.
See what happens to go good movie franchises when some idiot producer fucks it up? I'm just so happy this series is over and done with because Hollywood took one of the most salient and emphatic horror villain and series and turned it into just another torture porn pieces of shit.
So this movie follows Saw VI and just to show how fucked up his series is, the main character of Saw died 4 movies ago. Yeah. Anyway.. Saw 3D is about Bobby Dagen who claims to be a survivor of one of Jigsaw's traps and is starting some kind of Oprah television-like AA group for Jigsaw survivors. He finds himself in "another" Jigsaw trap and is in a race against time to save his wife. The film also picks up the storyline of Mark Hoffman in covering up his tracks and seeking revenge on John Kramer's wife.
What do you expect. it is what it is I guess. After 7 films, there's really little things the Saw series can do that can surprise me now. We have gotten to the point where the true message and style of Saw has been long gone replaced with mindless, desensitized violence for the sake of audience gratification. Leigh Whannel and James Wan are probably rolling in their graves. But their not dead yet so that reference does not apply. They're rolling in their beds. Yeah.... hurt you there didn't it Saw 3D producer.
I can't begin to say how painful it is wasting time talking about this movie, but thankfully it's the last I'll ever speak of this series so here we go. Saw 3D is a piece of shit. Don't be fooled with this movie. There is never a moment where you will feel bored what with all the gore, but underneath all that is production value at it's absolute lowest. The story of Bobby Dagen has been repeated, recycled and rechurned over the course of 4 movies. We've seen this again and again before. Person needs to go through a series of tests to get to something that is either important to person or person will die. A 7 year old who ha splayed Mario Brothers could come up with that plot device.
As for the Hoffman storyline,it is more of a matter of tying up the entire story rather than pulling out all the stops for a finale. But you really can't blame the writer. Unclimatic, sloppy and misplaced the whole storyline was, there's really nothing more he could probably think of after 5 films of shit. And to add on to the shittyness, the whole thing is driven by Costas Mandylor; the worst D grade actor in the world and Betsy Russel; probably a failed pornstar who got into the series by fucking the producer.
I can't begin to describe how bad, how awful their acting was. Remember how fucked up the acting was in The Last Airbender, well this is that on crack. Betsy Russel only has one expression, the-face-up-looking-down-whilst-mouth-gaping-open-as-you-try-to-look-dramatic look and she does it even when the scene nor situation commands her to do that. Costas Mandylor train wrecks through the script with no emotion and no energy. It's almost like he doesn't care anymore. And I really don't blame him.
The gore and violence of Saw 3D has gotten to the point where it's so ridiculous. They are just looking for any reason for blood and flesh to splatter all over the place. Get this, Chester Bennington gets massacred by a car seat. Yeah. A FUCKING CAR SEAT. In the original Saws, the gore was only an add on to the suspense that builds between the characters of the movie. The whole set up of Saw is pitting one human against another in their attempts to survive and at the same time test their resolve, will to live and their humanity. Now, it's just hey.. we need more blood and death. Boom. Splat. Yayyyy. Fuckers.
And just to show how fucked up this series has gotten, Cary Elwes, the original victim of Saw comes back and literally anal fucks the entire audience with a new accent, character, the works. Do they even care about continuity issues. Does Cary Elwes even care? it's not enough to fuck up a great series, they have to go back and take one of the best bits of the original Saw and massacre it in this piece of shit for "nostalgic" sake.
Seriously.. all the people behind Saw 3D and all the past 5 Saws... FUCK YOURSELVES. I'll sleep tonight imagining all of you in that carousel trap. And pleasuring myself to the thought of all of you dying one by one.

RATING: 1/10

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