Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Love Guru: Review

Shit!!! Wait.. WHAT?? I paid to watch this turd of a film o the big screen? Fuck you Mike Myers! Fuck you!
Love Guru is about some black guy who has some issues playing hockey cause his wife is having sex with Jutin Timberlake so his manager Jessica Alba enlists the help of the Love Guru played by Mike Myers who's only doing this so he can get on Oprah. That's the plot of the movie. And it is complete shit!!!
Man fuck Mike Myers! I used to think he was cool with Shrek and Austin Powers but now I really wan to ring his neck and skin that Scottish cheese alive! The asshole not only starred in this shitty film,he wrote and directed it to. I watch this film and I can't see any parts where Mike Myers actually tried to make it intelligently funny. Ever bit of The Love Guru is practically a spit in the face for anyone who watches it. It's almost as if Mike Myers is saying, "I don't care anymore cause I'm rich." Man fuck you!
And Jessica Alba.. girl you're fine as hell but you cannot act for shit.In every movie Jessica Alba has been in, she delivers each line as if she's talking to a 7 year old kid. Like she has to speak slowly and emphasize on certain words.. Woman I don't know if that is really how you talk or that's you trying to act good, please please please stop.
And Ben Kingsley! Jesus Christ, Ben Kingsley actually stooped down this low to play a cross eyed Hindu monk in this film. People, some 20 odd years ago.. this was the same man who played Gandhi goddammit! And here we have him practically making a fool out of himself, talking in a funny Indian accent and doing that head shaking thing like he was a Bobblehead. Ben Kingsley what the hell happened to you??!!
The writing of the movie God I'm getting angry just thinking about it. The film hits everything that is lame and done before and try to pass it off as comedy. Who hasn't heard the Uranus joke or the Bangkok joke. You think you're movie qualifies to be a funny movie just cause you string together a line of shitty unoriginal jokes and padded them off with lazy slapstick?
There is only one scene that I found funny in here and that is the part where Jessica Alba does that little Indian dance and song.That was funny. But that was the only thing that I can say I liked in the movie. There is absolutely nothing else that is vaguely redeeming here.
This movie is nearly 2 hours long people. And there is nothing nice in this film. It's basically Hollywood glorifying itself by making a shitty movie and earning millions from it. This whole movie worked its way through shit to deliver the lousiest climax I have ever seen and that is two elephants fucking each other in an ice ring. Ooohhh so funny! You're such a genius Mike Myers.
To the people who were involved making this an to anyone who saw this and actually like it, "Fuck you! Fuck you're mother! Fuck you're family! Fuck you're entire neighborhood!"

RATING: 0/10

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